For as much as I have, and will complain and rant about transport in Malawi, I have to admit, we didn't pay 90% of the time. However, the rides we DID pay for were some of the worst.
Local Transport- This is something you would pay less than $1 for. Passengers are packed into "mini-busses" made for 15, but usually there were about 20 people & a goat or chickens & lots of other random stuff (including my huge backpackers backpack). I think the worst part were the smells. Man, it was enough to make anyone puke. The worst for me was the dried fish. Then add the normal "people smells" which are not the same as American people smells. The mini-bus would stop every few minutes, and the conductor (the man in charge of filling up the vehicle and collecting the $) would scream out the destination. They wouldn't leave until there wasn't a single inch to move. IT. WAS. AWFUL. Probably one of the worst experiences of Malawi, yet somehow funny once we made it alive to our destination. One of the most frustrating things is that the people just take these horrible conditions like it's live and there's nothing they can do about it. No way that would fly in the US.
Hitching- Ahh, hitchhiking! Yes, we as Americans think it's a scary horrible thing. However, in Malawi, it's perfectly safe and very common for Peace Coprs volunteers to do. The BEST thing about hitching... it's FREE!
Brittni asked how I felt about hitching, and I told her that I would go with it and see how I felt. So, how did we get from the airport to the hostel? We hitched! Way to jump right in :) I'd say we were extremely happy with 90% of our hitches. Usually we got nice, roomy, air conditioned cars. The crapy cars were the small ones, and usually those drivers would ask for money. Never did we feel unsafe. The downside to hitching was that sometimes we had to wait in the hot sun for a while, or that we would be dropped as far as a car was going and then look for a new ride. I think our longest day was 8 hrs!
Matolas- A matola is like a commercial pick-up truck or that type of thing. We usually avoided them like the plague because they weren't cheap and usually extremely uncomfortable. We had two especially bad experiences. The first was just after we'd hiked Mt.Mulanje and were nice and clean from swimming. We got on the back of one and were literally covered red dirt from head to toe by the end. Even though we covered our mouths with clothing, we could still taste the dirt!
The second was after hiking down the escarpment. I think it was a Sunday. Brittni had bought a beer while we were waiting and took it on the matola. Bad idea. First, most women don't drink in Malawi. Second, Malawians don't understand that you can "just have one" drink. Most people that drink are drunkards. We were unlucky enough to be sitting in the bed of the truck next to a very religious individual. He proceeded to scold Brittni for drinking and bring up the bible, God, and Jesus in every way shape and form for the hour long ride. Luckily I wasn't involved in the conversation. It took every ounce of self-control not to tell this guy to look around at his life and all the poverty and re-evaluate the way he looks at God being the ruler of all. By that time, I knew how religious people in Malawi were and I'd usually just mumble something about being Christian or Catholic. Whatever I felt like at that moment. Then I'd awkwardly walk away...
Pretoria, South Africa to Chipata, Zambia
This was the trip from hell and where the title of the blog comes from. To start, we were on a bus from Pretoria to Lusaka, Zambia (the capital). It should have taken roughly 30 hours. However, we got stuck at the Zimbabwe/Zambian border for over 6 hours. I HATE ZIMBABWE. Seriously, the customs people sat on their asses and did nothing. One person at a time had their bags checked to walk across the street. Pure laziness and inefficiency. Due to our timing and plans, we really needed to be in Lusaka by 2pm at the latest, so we could get on another 8hr bus to Chipata; that way, the next morning (Friday) we could take the another 4 hrs ride to the safari place.
We finally arrived at the Lusaka bus station at 4pm (mind you, it gets dark at 6 and then it's "dangerous" to be out). We had talked to several women on the bus and got an idea of how the bus station would be and what kind of bus we could get on. Bus stations are very frustrating and enough to make a person go crazy. Once you say where you are going, there are a 50 men (I'm exaggerating, but not by much!) on top of you trying to get you on their bus. There was a nice Zambian woman that helped us out.
So, we chose our bus (this is not a nice bus. no toilets or anything), got Zambian Kwacha (money) and were excited that it was going to leave in the next 30 minutes. Or so we were told. Come to find out, the bus had been sitting there ALL DAY. For over 12 hours. The driver and conductor kept lying to people all day, saying it was leaving "now-now" to get people to pay and get on. Luckily there was one man that decided to raise hell. This didn't go over very well, because the culture is very non-confruntational. It was very hard to get answers to questions like "What is wrong with the bus?" They don't know how to say "I don't know." So, after an hour of this crap (and it's starting to get dark). Some guys start tinkering with the engine (I know they have no idea what they are doing!) and some guys run off to get something that I believe was gasoline, the engine starts! No shit, it needed gas?! But, that's just how it is in Africa and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. It was scary. I didn't know if I'd rather get on this POS bus that may break down at any time or to have to find a place to stay after dark in Lusaka.
We count the hours and figure that the bus is going to arrive in Chipata at around 3am. We asked before we bought the tickets what that would mean for us. We were assured that the bus would stop and wait at the station until light, because there were lots of other passengers in the same situation. So, we are cramped on this awful bus (hungry and thirst, but too scared to put anything into our bodies). All I could do was hope that we wouldn't crash, and that if we did, it wouldn't be a painful death (I'm not being that dramatic). The bus stopped tons of times and people got off. By the time we got to our stop, it was just the 2 of us getting off and only a few other passengers left. We asked what time the bus was leaving "Now-Now" we were told. WTF, it's supposed to stay here till light! Nope, it was leaving now for the Malawian border. Shit Shit Shit. Lies! All LIES! It's 3am and we are in a dark bus station. NOT GOOD. So, Brittni got in the face of the driver and made him go talk to another bus driver. One that was actually staying until it got light. We looked in and there were about 10 women chilling, waiting for day. So, we got on that bus and slept until about 6am.
AT. LEAST. WE. WERE. ALIVE.
Chipata to South Luangwa
As if life couldn't have gotten anymore unpredictable. We left the bus station at 6:30am to walk to a place where we were going to try to hitch from. We walked so far. Probably a few miles, with all out stuff. Not fun after a horrible 48hrs of transportation. We decided to stop at a guesthouse that was mentioned in lonely planet for often having rides to the safari place. The man working said were were in luck, there was a group of 3 leaving in an hour (finally , good news!). A girl walked out and she and I stopped dead in our tracks. It was Rosanah, a friend from grad school! She and Josanna, another girl from MIIS were traveling around Africa after finishing their internships. We knew this, but also knew it would be nearly impossible to try to meet up. Josanna walked out of the bathroom and said, "You have got to be kidding me!" It was amazing, great, and so awesome. How in the world we could randomly meet up at a guesthouse in Africa is beyond me. We paid a pretty penny and rode in a nice van with them to the safari park. They'd had their own plans, so upon arrival we said our goodbyes. Note: The road to the park was among one of the worst worst worst. I swear with each dip and bump, I flew a foot out of my seat.
Local Transport- This is something you would pay less than $1 for. Passengers are packed into "mini-busses" made for 15, but usually there were about 20 people & a goat or chickens & lots of other random stuff (including my huge backpackers backpack). I think the worst part were the smells. Man, it was enough to make anyone puke. The worst for me was the dried fish. Then add the normal "people smells" which are not the same as American people smells. The mini-bus would stop every few minutes, and the conductor (the man in charge of filling up the vehicle and collecting the $) would scream out the destination. They wouldn't leave until there wasn't a single inch to move. IT. WAS. AWFUL. Probably one of the worst experiences of Malawi, yet somehow funny once we made it alive to our destination. One of the most frustrating things is that the people just take these horrible conditions like it's live and there's nothing they can do about it. No way that would fly in the US.
Hitching- Ahh, hitchhiking! Yes, we as Americans think it's a scary horrible thing. However, in Malawi, it's perfectly safe and very common for Peace Coprs volunteers to do. The BEST thing about hitching... it's FREE!
Brittni asked how I felt about hitching, and I told her that I would go with it and see how I felt. So, how did we get from the airport to the hostel? We hitched! Way to jump right in :) I'd say we were extremely happy with 90% of our hitches. Usually we got nice, roomy, air conditioned cars. The crapy cars were the small ones, and usually those drivers would ask for money. Never did we feel unsafe. The downside to hitching was that sometimes we had to wait in the hot sun for a while, or that we would be dropped as far as a car was going and then look for a new ride. I think our longest day was 8 hrs!
Matolas- A matola is like a commercial pick-up truck or that type of thing. We usually avoided them like the plague because they weren't cheap and usually extremely uncomfortable. We had two especially bad experiences. The first was just after we'd hiked Mt.Mulanje and were nice and clean from swimming. We got on the back of one and were literally covered red dirt from head to toe by the end. Even though we covered our mouths with clothing, we could still taste the dirt!
The second was after hiking down the escarpment. I think it was a Sunday. Brittni had bought a beer while we were waiting and took it on the matola. Bad idea. First, most women don't drink in Malawi. Second, Malawians don't understand that you can "just have one" drink. Most people that drink are drunkards. We were unlucky enough to be sitting in the bed of the truck next to a very religious individual. He proceeded to scold Brittni for drinking and bring up the bible, God, and Jesus in every way shape and form for the hour long ride. Luckily I wasn't involved in the conversation. It took every ounce of self-control not to tell this guy to look around at his life and all the poverty and re-evaluate the way he looks at God being the ruler of all. By that time, I knew how religious people in Malawi were and I'd usually just mumble something about being Christian or Catholic. Whatever I felt like at that moment. Then I'd awkwardly walk away...
Pretoria, South Africa to Chipata, Zambia
This was the trip from hell and where the title of the blog comes from. To start, we were on a bus from Pretoria to Lusaka, Zambia (the capital). It should have taken roughly 30 hours. However, we got stuck at the Zimbabwe/Zambian border for over 6 hours. I HATE ZIMBABWE. Seriously, the customs people sat on their asses and did nothing. One person at a time had their bags checked to walk across the street. Pure laziness and inefficiency. Due to our timing and plans, we really needed to be in Lusaka by 2pm at the latest, so we could get on another 8hr bus to Chipata; that way, the next morning (Friday) we could take the another 4 hrs ride to the safari place.
We finally arrived at the Lusaka bus station at 4pm (mind you, it gets dark at 6 and then it's "dangerous" to be out). We had talked to several women on the bus and got an idea of how the bus station would be and what kind of bus we could get on. Bus stations are very frustrating and enough to make a person go crazy. Once you say where you are going, there are a 50 men (I'm exaggerating, but not by much!) on top of you trying to get you on their bus. There was a nice Zambian woman that helped us out.
So, we chose our bus (this is not a nice bus. no toilets or anything), got Zambian Kwacha (money) and were excited that it was going to leave in the next 30 minutes. Or so we were told. Come to find out, the bus had been sitting there ALL DAY. For over 12 hours. The driver and conductor kept lying to people all day, saying it was leaving "now-now" to get people to pay and get on. Luckily there was one man that decided to raise hell. This didn't go over very well, because the culture is very non-confruntational. It was very hard to get answers to questions like "What is wrong with the bus?" They don't know how to say "I don't know." So, after an hour of this crap (and it's starting to get dark). Some guys start tinkering with the engine (I know they have no idea what they are doing!) and some guys run off to get something that I believe was gasoline, the engine starts! No shit, it needed gas?! But, that's just how it is in Africa and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. It was scary. I didn't know if I'd rather get on this POS bus that may break down at any time or to have to find a place to stay after dark in Lusaka.
We count the hours and figure that the bus is going to arrive in Chipata at around 3am. We asked before we bought the tickets what that would mean for us. We were assured that the bus would stop and wait at the station until light, because there were lots of other passengers in the same situation. So, we are cramped on this awful bus (hungry and thirst, but too scared to put anything into our bodies). All I could do was hope that we wouldn't crash, and that if we did, it wouldn't be a painful death (I'm not being that dramatic). The bus stopped tons of times and people got off. By the time we got to our stop, it was just the 2 of us getting off and only a few other passengers left. We asked what time the bus was leaving "Now-Now" we were told. WTF, it's supposed to stay here till light! Nope, it was leaving now for the Malawian border. Shit Shit Shit. Lies! All LIES! It's 3am and we are in a dark bus station. NOT GOOD. So, Brittni got in the face of the driver and made him go talk to another bus driver. One that was actually staying until it got light. We looked in and there were about 10 women chilling, waiting for day. So, we got on that bus and slept until about 6am.
AT. LEAST. WE. WERE. ALIVE.
Chipata to South Luangwa
As if life couldn't have gotten anymore unpredictable. We left the bus station at 6:30am to walk to a place where we were going to try to hitch from. We walked so far. Probably a few miles, with all out stuff. Not fun after a horrible 48hrs of transportation. We decided to stop at a guesthouse that was mentioned in lonely planet for often having rides to the safari place. The man working said were were in luck, there was a group of 3 leaving in an hour (finally , good news!). A girl walked out and she and I stopped dead in our tracks. It was Rosanah, a friend from grad school! She and Josanna, another girl from MIIS were traveling around Africa after finishing their internships. We knew this, but also knew it would be nearly impossible to try to meet up. Josanna walked out of the bathroom and said, "You have got to be kidding me!" It was amazing, great, and so awesome. How in the world we could randomly meet up at a guesthouse in Africa is beyond me. We paid a pretty penny and rode in a nice van with them to the safari park. They'd had their own plans, so upon arrival we said our goodbyes. Note: The road to the park was among one of the worst worst worst. I swear with each dip and bump, I flew a foot out of my seat.
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